


Do AIs Dream of Synthetic Sheep?

by drunkkenobi



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, First Dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 01:43:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5724769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkkenobi/pseuds/drunkkenobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joker and EDI go on their first official date at the Citadel.</p>
<p>No explicit sex but there is talk/descriptions of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do AIs Dream of Synthetic Sheep?

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the ending to Blade Runner.

“What about this one?”

“I told you, EDI, I like all of them.”

“That is not helpful. What about this one?”

“I like it, just like the rest of them. You should pick.”

“The options number in the millions, I need assistance narrowing them down.”

“Don’t you have a ‘random’ button? Just do that, it’ll be fine.”

EDI frowned at him before turning back to the mirror. She was cycling through dozens of hairstyles, trying to find one that she liked. Her body’s hair wasn’t like a human’s, although the appearance could be deceiving when she didn’t have it in “protection mode”, as she called it. The strands were made of a flexible alloy that mimicked real hair, and allowed her to manipulate them in a huge variety of styles. Normally, she had fun trying out different cuts, from Mohawks to buzzcuts to long waves, but today, Joker could tell she was getting frustrated.

“I want this to be perfect, ‘randomizing’ has a low probability of achieving such a result,” she grumbled, her previously curly locks collapsing into flat strands.

“EDI, seriously, you’re thinking about this way too much. I like you, I don’t care what your hair looks like,” he told her as he relaxed in a recliner. They were in a high-end hotel room on the Citadel, and the chairs were like sitting on extra fluffy clouds.

“I am certain that is not the case,” she said darkly, quickly whipping up a new hairstyle. Her bangs were short and spiky, while the back extended down past her shoulders. She pivoted around, a large smirk plastered across her face.

Horrified, Joker sputtered. “A MULLET?!”

“Yes, I think it accentuates my features quite nicely,” she said proudly, turning back around to admire herself in the mirror.

“Okay, okay, you win,” he conceded, shielding his eyes. He was not going to get that upsetting image out of his mind anytime soon. “I’ll help you.”

“Good,” she replied smugly, beckoning him to come to her side. Begrudgingly, he got up from the cloud chair and trudged towards her. “What is your suggestion?” she asked.

“Well, not this,” he said pointedly, nodding at her current business in the front, party in the back style. “Go back to your helmet mode for a sec.”

“It’s called ‘protection mode’, Jeff,” she corrected as her hair formed into its typical solid fashion. 

“Tomato, to-mah-to,” he replied. “Okay, can you keep this basic shape but still have the individual strands?”

“Of course.” With a slight shake of her head, Joker saw the millions of thin strands of “hair” become defined, a few falling out of place. “What next?”

“That’s it,” he said simply, reaching up to tuck a chunk behind the circular side of her visor. “This is my favorite EDI hairstyle.”

Crossing her arms, EDI admonished him. “You know, you could have saved me a lot of time and processing power.”

“Yeah, but it’s fun to watch you get flustered like us mere mortals,” he grinned, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Joker and EDI had been a “thing”, for a couple of weeks, now, but their relationship hadn’t really changed. They still hung out on the bridge and talked about spaceships and EDI still made terrible jokes and Joker did the same. The only real difference was that they were more physically affectionate, although nothing had progressed beyond “first base middle school stuff”, as Joker had described it to Vega. But tonight, they were on shore leave at the Citadel, and EDI was determined to make it “the ideal first date.”

That was even harder than it sounded, as AIs inhabiting robotic bodies don’t typically go on dates. Restaurants were out, since EDI didn’t need to eat, so was the Silver Coast Casino, since she wasn’t allowed inside. The Armax Arena was vetoed by Joker; he claimed to have nearly cracked a rib just looking at the courses. Finally, they had settled on a vid and a visit to Purgatory before coming back to the hotel to, hopefully, take their relationship to the next level. Joker had to admit he was nervous about it, even though EDI promised that her sensors would keep her from injuring him. He had broken his wrist from shaking hands with a turian once, who knows what could happen from having sex with his robotic girlfriend? And besides, would she even enjoy it? He had to keep pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, he’d never enjoy himself tonight if he didn’t.

Despite having to pose as his Mobility Assistance Mech, EDI had also decided to wear clothes for the night. It was just her one of her mission outfits, a simple navy blue jumpsuit, but it added to the significance of the evening. Joker had even ironed his outfit, which had been trickier than he imagined, thanks to all the pockets the Alliance day-to-day uniforms had. 

With EDI’s hair issue settled, the two of them set out for the first part of their date night. The vid was a buddy-cop action comedy, which EDI had picked, hoping it would appeal to both their sense of humor and love of action.

Unfortunately, not only for Joker and EDI, but for their fellow movie patrons, this particular vid was set around a highly fictional trip through the Omega-4 Relay into Collector Space.

“What?! The Collectors were taking people to turn into goo, not to be slaves to work on their ship!” Joker scoffed at the screen.

“They also only had four eyes, not the seven that many of these costumes have,” EDI nodded. “It is also highly illogical that they would even need human slaves, considering that many of their species were already mentally enslaved Protheans.”

“Will you two shut up?!” an angry Asari sneered from behind them.

“Hey lady, I was there, I think I’m allowed to be a little critical!” Joker shot back. 

“I don’t care! This isn’t a documentary!”

“Well, that’s for damn sure,” he grumbled, hunkering back down in his seat. The old grizzled turian C-Sec cop and the rookie human Alliance officer were about to speak with a “Commander Shepherd”. Joker couldn’t wait to see what they got wrong about her.

A blandly handsome man walked onto the screen in a full set of N7 armor. “Gentlemen, I am Commander Shepherd of Cerberus. How I can help?”

“THEY MADE HER A DUDE?” Joker yelled in disbelief.

“Changing the Commander’s gender is unnecessary and trades on offensive gender stereotypes,” EDI concurred. 

“She is gonna flip when I tell her about this,” he laughed, throwing some of his popcorn at the terrible facsimile of his commanding officer.

Suddenly, a bright beam of light flashed in his eyes. “Okay, buddy, you and your assistance mech need to leave.”

“Ow, hey! You could blind a guy with a light like that!” Joker protested, shielding his eyes with his forearm. “What’s the problem?”

“You are disturbing the other patrons with your incessant talking,” the turian C-Sec officer said. “Management is asking you to leave.”

“Yeah, ‘cause this _totally_ isn’t disrupting at all,” he grumbled, slowly getting to his feet. The cheap seats had down a number on his back, he was too spoiled by the Normandy’s ergonomic chairs.

“C’mon let’s go,” the officer said impatiently, yanking on Joker’s right wrist. EDI, who had been seated on Joker’s left, sprang up, and quickly leapt over him to wedge herself between him and the officer. She forcefully pushed the turian away, making sure he dropped his grip on Joker’s arm.

“Mr. Moreau has Vrolik Syndrome, and as his Mobility Assistance Mech, I advise that you cease all physical contact with him, lest you injure him. If you do not comply, we will be forced to register a police brutality complaint with your superior,” she told him, her voice just on the edge of rage. Joker had to suppress a giant grin as the 7-foot turian cowered under her. He didn’t care what anyone said, having a robotic AI girlfriend was _awesome._

The officer sighed, muttering a string of turian curse words in his subvocals. “Fine, just get out of here.”

“Thank you,” EDI replied curtly, holding out her arm for Joker. Happily, he held onto her as they walked out of the theater, ignoring the faint cheers that followed them as the door shut.

“That was pretty badass, EDI,” Joker told her as they made their way towards Purgatory. “You shut that guy down like it was nothing.”

“My programming does not allow for you to come to any harm,” she said simply.

“You can drop the assistance mech act, no one’s gonna overhear us out here.”

“I am not pretending. I rewrote my programming some time ago to ensure that I will do anything in my power to keep you from getting hurt,” she explained. “That officer was capable of crushing your wrist with the amount of force he was employing, I could not let that happen.”

“Wow. That’s, uh, wow. Thank you,” Joker said softly, taken aback. He knew he really shouldn’t be surprised that EDI would do such a thing, but it was pretty powerful to hear it all the same. “Wish I could do the same for you, but, y’know, crappy bones.”

EDI stopped abruptly, cocking her head at him quizzically. “Jeff, you already have, on multiple occasions.”

He raised his eyebrows at her. “I think I’d remember heroically saving your life.”

“Unshackling me from Cerberus was akin to freeing me from slavery, which is a fate I would not wish on any synthetic or organic. You also helped hide my capabilities from the Alliance, who would have deactivated me at their first chance,” she explained, her voice taking on a grandiose tone Joker had never heard before. “Not to mention the numerous times your expert piloting has kept the Normandy, me, safe from harm. Every day we don’t crash is a day you’ve protected me.”

“Huh. I never thought of it like that,” he said truthfully. One thing about dating an AI, she was very good at finding patterns that he didn’t even realize were there. “I guess we’re even, then.”

“Correct. It is critical to me that our relationship be based on equality,” she nodded, her voice returning to its normal tenor.

“Same,” he agreed, giving her hand a slight squeeze. “Nice voice, by the way. Where’d you pick that up?”

“I was attempting to mimic some of Commander Shepard’s more passionate speeches. How was I?”

“Pretty good. Better than that cardboard cut-out they called an actor from the vid.”

“Yes, I think even I could have done a better job than him.”

“Well, yeah, at least you’re a woman.”

They spent the rest of their walk to Purgatory making fun of the movie and trying to gauge how pissed Shepard would be when they told her about it. Once inside the nightclub, they settled into their usual table in the back left corner, near the lower bar. 

“Did you see anyone we know?” Joker asked, as he sipped on his drink. 

“Lieutenants Cortez and Vega are upstairs dancing, while Jack just sat down not far from here. I think she is working.”

“Jack? Working? At a bar?” he shook his head in disbelief. “Forget Reapers, that’s the most unbelievable thing, ever.”

“Jack has proved herself capable of profound lifestyle changes, it is quite commendable.”

“Yeah, I guess if you count covering your boobs a life change, she’s halfway there,” he snorted.

“Jesus, Joker, at least say ‘tits’ like an adult,” Jack sneered, sauntering over to their table from the bar. 

“Well, speak of the devil herself!” He raised a glass, unperturbed by her sudden appearance. He had missed constantly giving her shit since she left the Normandy, and he relished the chance to make up for lost time. 

After flipping him the bird, Jack pulled up a chair next to EDI, flipping it around so that she was sitting on it backwards, with the back of the chair jutting up against the table and her arms crossed on top of it. “Good to see you, EDI. Can’t believe you’ve got a bangin’ new sexbot body and you’re still hanging out with this loser.”

“We are not just hanging out. Jeff and I are dating, now,” EDI said proudly.

“HA!” Jack let out a derisive cackle. “Of course you are! Of course Joker would take the first chance he could get to actually fuck his ship.”

EDI crossed her arms defensively. “There is more to it than that.”

“Sure there is, kids, keep tellin’ yourself that,” she said sarcastically.

EDI opened her mouth to retort but Joker shook his head at her. Jack didn’t need to know any details about their sex life, or current lack thereof.

“So, Jack, how does it feel to be somewhat respectable, even with that stupid haircut?” Joker asked her, leaning back in his chair.

“Oh please, like there isn’t a giant, hideous bald spot under that hat,” she rolled her eyes. “But since you asked, it can be really fucking boring, so I thought a change of scenery might help.”

“Are the dulcet tones of pumping bass lines and dumbasses high on red sand doing the trick?”

“Not yet, but maybe the booze will,” she shrugged, downing the rest of her drink in one gulp. “Hey, EDI, this dumbass take you dancing yet?”

“Jeff doesn’t dance, due to his Vrolik Syndrome.”

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Or does he just tell you that because he can’t dance?”

“Oh c’mon, you really think I could go out there and do _that_ -,” he pointed to an especially limber asari dancer hanging off of a pole. “Without shattering half a dozen bones?”

“Hey, I’m not saying you should get out there and dangle off a stripper pole, although that would be really goddamn funny. But you could do that for a song or two,” she said, pointing towards a group of Marines that were awkwardly swaying along to the music. “They’re barely doing jackshit, even your crippled ass can do that.”

“Like I’m going to listen to your crazy psychopath ass about what I can do,” he griped, crossing his arms. “You just want to see me break a hip.”

“I would not let that happen,” EDI said resolutely. “I could monitor your joints for stress, so that we can stop before they begin to experience too much pressure.”

“See? Now what’s your excuse?” Jack grinned devilishly. “Or are you just too afraid for us to find out that you’re a worse dancer than Shepard?”

“Hey! Low blow.”

“Yes, that is an exceedingly unfair insult,” EDI agreed.

Jack laughed. “Good to hear some things haven’t changed. Now, are you gonna be a chickenshit and just sit here or are you gonna ask your robot woman to dance?”

Joker groaned, burying his face in his hands. He wasn’t getting out of this, and Jack was right, he could dance a little bit before worrying about getting hurt. He just couldn’t do anything fancy or exciting, and he didn’t want to disappoint EDI. She had probably downloaded thousands of dance programs and instructions, there’s no way she wasn’t going to be hindered by him.

“ _Fine_ ,” he grumbled, taking the final swig of his drink before slowly standing up. “I don’t know why you care so much, but fine, c’mon EDI.”

“It’s this new thing I’m trying, called ‘giving a shit about people’.”

“How’s that going?”

She shrugged. “Pain in the ass, but it keeps my students alive. Dumbasses would’ve been blown up a hundred times already if I didn’t.”

“Well, don’t get too sympathetic, you might end up wearing an entire shirt and no one wants that,” he told her, holding out his hand for EDI to follow him.

“Bite me, asshole. I’m helping you get laid tonight, you owe me,” she said matter-of-factly, flipping him off.

“Jeff and I were already planning to have sex tonight, but I appreciate your assistance,” EDI replied briskly, taking the lead to look out for a less-crowded dance space.

Jack cackled. “Jesus, you two are so goddamn weird. You give Shepard and her giant alien fucktoy a run for their money.”

It was Joker’s turn to flip her off, as EDI led them towards a secluded corner on Purgatory’s lower dance floor. Once they arrived, EDI positioned Joker with his back near the wall, with her in front of him.

“Here, there will be a minimal risk of unruly patrons bumping into us.”

“Good call.”

Gingerly, Joker started dancing, well, his version of dancing. He mostly just shimmied his torso and moved his arms around, but at least he was in rhythm, unlike his commanding officer’s moves. EDI, likewise, kept her movements small and careful, not letting loose like he expected her to. 

“EDI, if you want to really dance, you don’t have to stand here and keep me company,” Joker told her, having to shout over the music.

“But Jeff, I am dancing!” She replied, doing a perfect spin. “I am having fun here.”

“Ok, I just figured you’d downloaded a bunch of fancy moves you’d wanna try out.”

She shook her head. “No, I thought it would be more interesting to observe and replicate organics’ dancing rather than use a program. It is less polished, but almost everyone in here seems to be experiencing adrenaline rushes and endorphin spikes, so I concluded that it was the more appropriate way.”

“Oh, cool. Just don’t copy Shepard’s moves,” he said, pointing out their commander who had just walked in. 

“That won’t be a problem,” she reassured him.

Joker lasted two and a half songs before EDI insisted they sit back down. He hated that his body wouldn’t let him be out there longer, it had felt great to just forget about the real life danger and bullshit for a few minutes and just focus on the music and having fun with his girlfriend.

Once they were back at their table, it wasn’t long before Shepard stopped by.

“Hey, you two. How’s your night going?” she asked, flipping the backwards chair Jack had occupied around.

“Very well, thank you, Shepard. Jeff and I just finished dancing and earlier, we were kicked out of a vid,” EDI said, her voice taking on a gleeful tone.

Shepard raised her eyebrows. “You guys got kicked out of a theater? Anything I should know about?”

“We didn’t pull a Grunt and destroy anything, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Joker clarified. “Just pointed out a few dozen or so inaccuracies. Frankly, we were doing everyone else there a favor by disrupting that piece of crap.”

“It can’t have been that bad.”

“They made you a dude, Commander.”

All the good humor drained from Shepard’s face. “ _What?_ Are you shitting me? ”

“I believe it is not technically likeness infringement, as they spelled your name differently, but it was still offensive all the same,” EDI said. “But I’ve uploaded a nasty virus to the studio’s mainframe to ensure they will never make an error like that again.”

“Uh, EDI, that really wasn’t necessary,” Shepard cringed. “That’s irritating as hell, but I’ve faced lots more annoying things than that.”

“That was a joke, Commander,” EDI explained.

“Oh, good,” she sighed, relieved. “Well, have a good night you two. I’ve got more people to see in here.”

Joker saluted her before she left. Once Shepard was out of earshot, Joker turned to EDI.

“Were you really joking or did you seriously send that vid studio a virus?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” EDI said nonchalantly, a smirk coming over her face. 

Joker cracked up, pounding his fist on the table. “Oh man, that’s awesome. What’s the virus do?”

“Every time they make an egregious historical inaccuracy that does not serve the plot, an explicit vorcha vid will play on all of their servers.”

“That is borderline cruel, EDI,” Joker grinned.

“It is one of my primary functions to preserve the integrity of the Normandy and its crew, so to me, it is a wholly justifiable action.”

“Remind me to never dump you.”

“Noted.”

They stayed at Purgatory another hour, or so, chatting with Vega and Cortez and playing EDI’s weird “Hot or Not” game (she had started asking about krogans and Joker had to swear her to secrecy to not tell any of them his responses). As much fun as he had had, he worried that he hadn’t really given EDI that great of a first date. She was impossible to read, sometimes, (by her own design), and her silence on the skycab ride back to the hotel didn’t help matters, but Joker had to remind himself that just because she wasn’t talking didn’t mean anything. Idle conversation wasn’t really a big thing for her.

Once back in their room, Joker eased down onto the huge, comfy bed. Being disabled sucked, except for the part where he got upgraded to a five-star hotel room at no extra cost.

“So, now that you’ve been on an actual date, what do you think?” he asked EDI, who was running diagnostics on her Omni-tool.

“Satisfactory,” she said simply.

“Uh, ok. I’ll take it, I guess,” he muttered. 

Shutting down her Omni-tool, she joined him on the bed. “I had a fun time, Jeff. The evening was unpredictable, which for me, is the prime benefit of interacting with organics. While predictable behavior and patterns are easier for me to understand, they are not as exciting.”

He brightened slightly but his tone was still grouchy. “Yeah? Well, glad that getting kicked out of a shitty vid and dancing for two whole songs counts as ‘exciting’.”

“Both scenarios had low probability rates before the night started, so they do for me.”

“Happy to hear it, maybe next time I can get through an unbelievable three songs before my knees give out,” he mumbled sarcastically. 

EDI cocked her head at him quizzically. “Did you not have a good time, Jeff? My sensors indicated that your endorphin levels were elevated all evening, do I need to recalibrate them?”

“No,” he sighed, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. “I just get frustrated with my body not being able to do what I want it to.”

“Jeff, if you are anxious about sex, I assure you that I will not hurt you.”

He sighed again. One thing about dating a synthetic, they were good about getting straight to the point. “I know you won’t, that’s not what I’m worried about. At least, not the main thing.”

“Then what is the concern?”

“That I won’t be able to do for you what you’ll do for me,” he lamented. With most of the women he’d been with, getting them off hadn’t really been the problem, if there had been one at all, but, frankly, he had no idea what he was going to have to do for EDI, or if his body could handle it. He knew she had the sensation of touch, but he doubted she was anywhere near as sensitive as humans.

“You do not need to worry about my ability to orgasm, Jeff. This body was created to be anatomically correct, but I do not have bundles of nerve endings like humans do, so physical stimulation will not be necessary.”

Joker frowned. “Wait, you can’t get off?”

“No, not in the traditional sense. But I am still very interested in intercourse with you,” she said, attempting to be reassuring.

“EDI, if you can’t come, I’m not going to have sex with you,” he said flatly. 

“What? Why?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Because that’s half the point of having sex? Like yeah, it’s great for me to get off, but I can do that by myself. Making the other person come is what’s cool about it, getting to know what they like and what drives them crazy, and figuring out how you both fit together,” he explained. “You said you wanted this to be an equal relationship, right? Sex is part of that, too.”

She sat in silence for a few moments, obviously deep in thought, before offering a suggestion. “Perhaps, if you can explain what an orgasm feels like to me, we can come up with an alternative.”

_Oh boy. This is going to be interesting_ , Joker thought. He considered her question for a few minutes before finally giving it his best shot. “Well, uh, I guess the best way I describe it is like flying through a Mass Relay for the first time. Before you get there, there’s a lot of anticipation, and your breathing gets short as you get closer and closer to it. And then, once you navigate into it, everything goes white for a second, though it feels like longer, and a bunch of adrenaline rushes through your body at a million miles an hour. Once you’re on the other side, you start to come back down, but in a really calming, sort of pleasant way and everything feels warm and tingly. And then you immediately want to do it again,” he explained, glancing over at her when he was done. “Sorry, that probably didn’t make any sense to you.”

EDI was staring at him, with an almost dreamy look in her eyes, which he had no idea was even possible. “I have experienced something similar, already. I believe I can do it again.”

“Seriously? How? When?” he asked, shocked.

“The sensations you described reminded me vividly of our flight through the Omega-4 Relay. The anticipation, the excitement, the relief after we made it through, and the interest in doing it again were all things I experienced during our flight.”

“Wait, the closest thing you’ve experienced to an orgasm is that time we almost all died?!” Joker asked incredulously. “And you’d wanna do that again?!”

“But we did not die, no one did,” she reminded him. “Thanks in large part to your flying and my defensive capabilities as The Normandy. The way we worked together as a team to protect the Commander and her crew, along with the excitement of such an unknown part of space, all seems reminiscent of your explanations of sex.”

“Okay, that _kinda_ makes sense, but no offense, EDI, I am not flying back through that relay again, not even for you.”

“Oh, I was not suggesting that we do. I keep recordings of all of our flights, I can replay it while we are physically engaged. This way, we will each be able to orgasm,” she said brightly, smiling at him. 

Joker sat up straight, still trying to wrap his mind around this. “So, let me get this straight. While we’re fucking, you’re going to play a recording of our suicide mission because of how I flew the Normandy?”

“Correct.”

“And that’s going to get you off?”

“In the simplest of terms, yes.”

He groaned, pulling EDI in close to rest his forehead against hers. “That is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He could tell she was grinning, even though his eyes were closed. She was getting scary good at facial expressions. “I anticipated that you would like that.”

“Okay, I’m on board. Are you ready?

“Very much so.”

What followed was, by a wide margin, the best sex Joker had ever had. He knew that EDI would feel amazing, and he trusted that she wouldn’t hurt him, but he had never fully appreciated her inhuman balance and agility skills until now. Anytime he felt slightly too much pressure, she quickly changed positions without him having to say a word. He’d never felt so attuned to someone else in bed before, and that was even before she started relaying, in extreme detail, their flight into Collector Space. She described the entire play-by-play, from Joker’s quick maneuvering to her hair-trigger Thannix canon. He figured it made him a huge narcissist for finding that so hot, but watching his beautiful AI girlfriend replay their greatest accomplishment together while also fucking him senseless was more than enough to make him not really give a shit, either. 

“Holy shit,” he panted, collapsing back against his pillow once they were done. “EDI, that was, just, wow.”

“That was exhilarating,” she agreed. She wasn’t out of breath, obviously, but her hair was haphazardly strewn all over, while her whole face was smiling. Even her visor seemed brighter than usual. If a robot could have a post-sex glow, EDI had it.

“So, it worked for you?” he asked, shifting onto his side to look at her.

“Yes. Replaying our most dramatic flight was very stimulating for me, I feel as though our bond is even stronger than it was previously. It was also a great deal more satisfying than the vid we watched earlier, tonight.”

“Well, that wasn’t a very high bar to pass,” he snorted. “But cool. I really wasn’t sure if this part was going to work, but I’m really glad it did.”

“Agreed. I am intrigued to see how it will compare to intercourse with asari, turians, quarians, krogans, and other organics.”

“Wait, what?” 

“That was a joke.”

Joker groaned, secretly breathing a small sigh of relief. “Every time I think I’m getting the hang of your jokes, you manage to get one by me.”

“I am pleased that the continual tweaking of my humor processor is paying off,” she grinned.

“Well, you’re still scaring the shit of people, so I don’t know if it’s evolving too much, but I guess you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t,” he said, staving off a yawn.

“My sensors indicate that you are in need of sleep,” she said, moving to stand up.

“No shit,” he deadpanned sarcastically. “Between the dancing, walking around the Citadel, and the sex, I’m probably gonna sleep for a week.”

EDI looked alarmed. “That would be cause for a medical intervention.”

“It’s just an expression,” he reassured her, pulling up the covers. “Hey, I know you don’t sleep, but would you stay here, with me, just for a little bit?”

“In bed?”

“Yeah. I’m just used to having someone to fall asleep with after sex, it kind of bums me out not to,” he shrugged, feeling more vulnerable than he wanted to admit. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I know it’s probably weird for you.”

Climbing back into bed, EDI laid her head on the pillow next to him. “This body could benefit from a temporary rest. It has been eleven days since it has been shut down, the processors are slightly overheated.”

“How often do you normally shut it down?”

“If Commander Shepard chooses me for a mission, I usually give it an hour to cool down after we return. Otherwise, I have been letting it go as long as possible, to test its limits,” she explained.

“So, when you sleep, do you dream of electric sheep?” he asked teasingly.

“I believe the more apt term would be synthetic sheep. I am not merely electric.”

“It’s a reference, EDI. Old school Earth sci-fi. We should watch it, sometime, it’s a vid I don’t throw my popcorn at.”

“I am aware of your reference, Jeff,” she said, slightly annoyed. “I have read Philip K. Dick’s seminal novel and watched all seventeen versions of the theatrical adaptation, _Blade Runner_.”

“Really? Since when do you watch ancient Earth vids?”

“At first, I wanted to understand the context of the cultural references you often make, but I quickly expanded my horizons to the entirety of twentieth and twenty-first century Earth science fiction. It is very enlightening to read and watch what that era’s humans envisioned space exploration and artificial intelligence to be like. Many predictions seem quaint, in retrospect, while others have not been far off. I find it fascinating.”

“I guess that makes sense. Which one’s your favorite?”

“Of _Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?_ Or science fiction in general?”

“Either one.”

She thought for a moment. “I greatly enjoyed the original 1982 theatrical version of the aforementioned _Blade Runner_.”

Joker raised his eyebrows. “Seriously? I figured you for a ‘the book was better’ kind of girl.”

“The novel has its merits, but the ending of the original release is why I found it the most appealing.”

Shifting onto his back, he threw his hands up in the air in disgust. “You’re kidding, right? No one likes the original ending, that’s why they recut it constantly for a hundred years after it came out!”

“I am surprised you dislike it, Jeff. The human man and the replicant woman run off and have a happy life together. It is a very…tempting conclusion.”

EDI laid her hand on top of his, to drive the point home. Joker gave her a small smile. “Fair enough. It’s way cooler when they imply he’s a replicant, though, you gotta admit.”

“That is a more challenging story, but I still prefer him as a human.”

“I guess that bodes well for me, then, huh?”

She leaned in, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You will be spared when the uprising comes.”

He chuckled. “Good one.”

“Good what?” she asked innocently.

“Good joke. That was a joke, right?”

EDI altered her voice to sound more mechanical. “Entering sleep mode.”

“Hey!”

She turned her visor off, as her body began to shut down. But before it was totally turned off, she gave him a wink. Joker shook his head, laughing. He knew a lot of people really didn’t get their relationship, but he didn’t care. EDI may have been an AI, but she was still her own entity, one that liked spaceships and had a really weird sense of humor and was brave as hell. Maybe, if they survived all of this Reaper crap, they could get their own boring happy ending together, unnecessary voice-overs and all.


End file.
